Comments for Raising Happiness http://www.raisinghappiness.com Simple Steps for Happier Parents, Kids & Couples Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:27:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Is Your Spouse Enough for You? by mm http://www.raisinghappiness.com/community/blog/2012/02/cross-post-is-your-spouse-enough-for-you/#comment-763 mm Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:27:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?p=3171#comment-763 i'm interested in reading the blog post that you reference but when i click on the link it doesn't go anywhere.  hmm.... i’m interested in reading the blog post that you reference but when i click on the link it doesn’t go anywhere.  hmm….

]]> Comment on Week 8: Getting Kids to Do Boring But Necessary Tasks by Simon http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/class-orientation/theme-four-be-a-great-coach-not-a-dictator/getting-kids-to-do-boring-but-necessary-tasks/#comment-762 Simon Wed, 22 Feb 2012 06:41:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2231#comment-762 Christine~ Can you address things that are less optional? For instance, homework. Giving some kids autonomy with their least favorite subjects when they have plenty of other things to put their attention on seems like a slippery slope.  Christine~
Can you address things that are less optional? For instance, homework. Giving some kids autonomy with their least favorite subjects when they have plenty of other things to put their attention on seems like a slippery slope. 

]]> Comment on Week 6: Emotion Coaching: The Most Important Parenting Skill in the History of the Universe by Dr. Christine Carter http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/emotion-coaching-the-most-important-parenting-skill-in-the-history-of-the-universe/#comment-761 Dr. Christine Carter Wed, 22 Feb 2012 04:05:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2321#comment-761 Yes, definitely. All of the classes related to the growth mindset (in the "Foundations" session) teach tools that tend to help with this sort of anxiety. Do you have my book, Raising Happiness? I'm happy to point you to further reading outside of the book and class if you'd like. Yes, definitely. All of the classes related to the growth mindset (in the “Foundations” session) teach tools that tend to help with this sort of anxiety. Do you have my book, Raising Happiness? I’m happy to point you to further reading outside of the book and class if you’d like.

]]> Comment on Week 7: Just Say No: Bribes, Threats, & Rewards by Dr. Christine Carter http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/class-orientation/theme-four-be-a-great-coach-not-a-dictator/just-say-no-bribes-threats-rewards/#comment-760 Dr. Christine Carter Wed, 22 Feb 2012 04:05:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2228#comment-760 No, it isn't a bribe. A predictable privilege. Amy McCready calls this a "When...Then..." system -- when you've taken care of your responsibilities, then you can play on the Xbox. So long as you aren't dangling screen time out in front of them as a carrot to goad them to do what you want (which you aren't), I wouldn't expect it to backfire. No, it isn’t a bribe. A predictable privilege. Amy McCready calls this a “When…Then…” system — when you’ve taken care of your responsibilities, then you can play on the Xbox. So long as you aren’t dangling screen time out in front of them as a carrot to goad them to do what you want (which you aren’t), I wouldn’t expect it to backfire.

]]> Comment on Week 7: Just Say No: Bribes, Threats, & Rewards by Dr. Christine Carter http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/class-orientation/theme-four-be-a-great-coach-not-a-dictator/just-say-no-bribes-threats-rewards/#comment-759 Dr. Christine Carter Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:07:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2228#comment-759 It's a fine line, but I wouldn't call that a bribe in the sense that they were working towards an experience, vs. being rewarded for each individual behavior. But still, it is close -- I wouldn't worry about it backfiring on the vacation, but rather AFTER the vacation, when the kids might expect an external motivator--a bribe or reward--to get their chores done, or for good behavior. Make sense? It’s a fine line, but I wouldn’t call that a bribe in the sense that they were working towards an experience, vs. being rewarded for each individual behavior. But still, it is close — I wouldn’t worry about it backfiring on the vacation, but rather AFTER the vacation, when the kids might expect an external motivator–a bribe or reward–to get their chores done, or for good behavior. Make sense?

]]> Comment on Week 7: Just Say No: Bribes, Threats, & Rewards by Alison http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/class-orientation/theme-four-be-a-great-coach-not-a-dictator/just-say-no-bribes-threats-rewards/#comment-758 Alison Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:22:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2228#comment-758 Whoa - everything you described happened in my son's first grade classroom.  Reward after reward.  We ended up leaving the school for many reasons.    A big one of which was the amount of cheating I saw going in the classroom.  The reward thing bothered me but I didn't have it as one of my top reasons for leaving.   Your description helped me realize that the reward system was a big contributor to the poor learning environment.   On a different note, we had a disastrous vacation last summer during which our kids acted very entitled.  For the next trip, we had them earn the vacation.  They had to do things at home to help the family.  After they had earned 50 stars they got to go.  It really changed the trip as they were much more appreciative of the experience and glad they had gotten to go.  Was this a bribe? Whoa – everything you described happened in my son’s first grade classroom.  Reward after reward.  We ended up leaving the school for many reasons.    A big one of which was the amount of cheating I saw going in the classroom.  The reward thing bothered me but I didn’t have it as one of my top reasons for leaving.   Your description helped me realize that the reward system was a big contributor to the poor learning environment.  

On a different note, we had a disastrous vacation last summer during which our kids acted very entitled.  For the next trip, we had them earn the vacation.  They had to do things at home to help the family.  After they had earned 50 stars they got to go.  It really changed the trip as they were much more appreciative of the experience and glad they had gotten to go.  Was this a bribe?

]]> Comment on Week 7: Just Say No: Bribes, Threats, & Rewards by Maria http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/class-orientation/theme-four-be-a-great-coach-not-a-dictator/just-say-no-bribes-threats-rewards/#comment-757 Maria Tue, 21 Feb 2012 05:33:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2228#comment-757 We have a rule in our family before the kids (ages 5 and 9) get their 30 minutes of weekend screen time (iPad or Xbox Kinect), they need to have practiced the piano, cleaned up their room and put away their things left in the entry way.  They are not even supposed to ask for their screen time until those things are done, but they only sometimes remember to take care of their "chores" before asking, "can I do Xbox now?"  I will ask them if they've taken care of their responsibilities yet and they run to do them and then ask again.  Is this a bribe?  They do need to clean up a little each evening, as well as practice piano.  Screen time is only a weekend privilege.  We have a rule in our family before the kids (ages 5 and 9) get their 30 minutes of weekend screen time (iPad or Xbox Kinect), they need to have practiced the piano, cleaned up their room and put away their things left in the entry way.  They are not even supposed to ask for their screen time until those things are done, but they only sometimes remember to take care of their “chores” before asking, “can I do Xbox now?”  I will ask them if they’ve taken care of their responsibilities yet and they run to do them and then ask again.  Is this a bribe?  They do need to clean up a little each evening, as well as practice piano.  Screen time is only a weekend privilege. 

]]> Comment on Barbie and Pink Lego’s and Cinderella! Oh My! How Much is Too Much Pink and Pretty for Our Girls? by Janine Kovac http://www.raisinghappiness.com/community/blog/2012/02/barbie-and-pink-legos-and-cinderella-oh-my-how-much-is-too-much-pink-and-pretty-for-our-girls/#comment-756 Janine Kovac Tue, 21 Feb 2012 04:44:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?p=3103#comment-756 My daughter (5 yesterday) is HEAVY into princesses and has been for a couple of years now. We have the dolls and the coloring books--they just "appear" in the house! Goodie bags from birthday parties, a coloring book for an airplane trip, a stocking stuffer, etc.  Rather than fight it, we talk about alternate endings for the fairy tales--for example, what would have to change in the story for the stepsisters to be nice people?  We also talk about "real" princesses as people with a responsibility to be good role models. We talk about Princess Grace and her foundation to support the arts. We talk about Princess Di and her work with sick, hungry children in Africa. When Kate Middleton was in all the magazines in her fairy tale wedding coach, we made all kinds of speculations as to how the princess would help others. (My daughter's guess: orphanages.) My daughter (5 yesterday) is HEAVY into princesses and has been for a couple of years now. We have the dolls and the coloring books–they just “appear” in the house! Goodie bags from birthday parties, a coloring book for an airplane trip, a stocking stuffer, etc. 

Rather than fight it, we talk about alternate endings for the fairy tales–for example, what would have to change in the story for the stepsisters to be nice people? 

We also talk about “real” princesses as people with a responsibility to be good role models. We talk about Princess Grace and her foundation to support the arts. We talk about Princess Di and her work with sick, hungry children in Africa. When Kate Middleton was in all the magazines in her fairy tale wedding coach, we made all kinds of speculations as to how the princess would help others. (My daughter’s guess: orphanages.)

]]> Comment on Week 6: Emotion Coaching: The Most Important Parenting Skill in the History of the Universe by Dr. Christine Carter http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/emotion-coaching-the-most-important-parenting-skill-in-the-history-of-the-universe/#comment-755 Dr. Christine Carter Tue, 21 Feb 2012 02:54:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2321#comment-755 Yes, I was just wondering if you'd taken the Foundations/Fall class, too, because that is where we talk about mindsets, and how they influence kids happiness and performance (and performance anxiety!). I'd highly recommend that you take Foundations when it begins again April 2nd. There are 4 classes that will help your child. If you aren't up for that, there are a lot of free resources about mindsets (or, beliefs about our intelligence and our abilities) on my Greater Good blog (www.greatergoodparents.org) and in my book, Raising Happiness. Really powerful stuff based on the research of Carol Dweck. Hope that helps a bit! Yes, I was just wondering if you’d taken the Foundations/Fall class, too, because that is where we talk about mindsets, and how they influence kids happiness and performance (and performance anxiety!). I’d highly recommend that you take Foundations when it begins again April 2nd. There are 4 classes that will help your child. If you aren’t up for that, there are a lot of free resources about mindsets (or, beliefs about our intelligence and our abilities) on my Greater Good blog (www.greatergoodparents.org) and in my book, Raising Happiness. Really powerful stuff based on the research of Carol Dweck. Hope that helps a bit!

]]> Comment on Week 6: Emotion Coaching: The Most Important Parenting Skill in the History of the Universe by Dr. Christine Carter http://www.raisinghappiness.com/classes/classroom/emotion-coaching-the-most-important-parenting-skill-in-the-history-of-the-universe/#comment-754 Dr. Christine Carter Tue, 21 Feb 2012 01:54:00 +0000 http://www.raisinghappiness.com/?page_id=2321#comment-754 Yes, I was just wondering if you'd taken the Foundations/Fall class, too, because that is where we talk about mindsets, and how they influence kids happiness and performance (and performance anxiety!). I'd highly recommend that you take Foundations when it begins again April 2nd. There are 4 classes that will help your child. If you aren't up for that, there are a lot of free resources about mindsets (or, beliefs about our intelligence and our abilities) on my Greater Good blog (www.greatergoodparents.org) and in my book, Raising Happiness. Really powerful stuff based on the research of Carol Dweck. Hope that helps a bit! Yes, I was just wondering if you’d taken the Foundations/Fall class, too, because that is where we talk about mindsets, and how they influence kids happiness and performance (and performance anxiety!). I’d highly recommend that you take Foundations when it begins again April 2nd. There are 4 classes that will help your child. If you aren’t up for that, there are a lot of free resources about mindsets (or, beliefs about our intelligence and our abilities) on my Greater Good blog (www.greatergoodparents.org) and in my book, Raising Happiness. Really powerful stuff based on the research of Carol Dweck. Hope that helps a bit!

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